Integrity, or the lack of integrity, has been a theme in my environment. And, frankly, it is more than a little troubling. I’m struggling with who and how to trust again and when it is helpful or unhelpful to extend trust.
I’ve come to the conclusion that to trust someone unequivocally that has proven to be untrustable in the past is just unequivocally foolish, especially if little integrity issues keep popping up.
I’ve always been someone that trusted, unless someone gave me a reason to not trust them. One time, at work, a peer said to me that you have to earn my trust. I laughed. It isn’t my job on this planet to earn anyone’s trust, and I told her that. I told her that I always trust, unless I am shown that I cannot trust. And once someone shows me that they can’t be trusted, I have a watchful eye on them. That is, as an HR Director on the work floor.
In my personal life, well that is a different story. Apparently, it is my karma or mission in life to have a few humans around me that have issues keeping their promises, forgetting their promises, or down right practicing deceptiveness. Then, when they are being honest, I’m supposed to believe them. Now, can someone tell me the trick to knowing when I am supposed to trust an active liar?
Lying Is (or LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE)
Lying is speaking untruth. Lying is the sin of omission. Lying is setting unrealistic goals. Lying is saying one thing and doing another. Lying is forgetting. Lying is deception. Lying is breaking a promise.
Lying is hurtful. Really hurtful.
I do not purport to have been the most integrous person during my years on this earth. I’ve hurt people with my lies. In fact, during my younger years, I did some down right deceptive things. It ate me up from the inside out, until I never wanted to do it again.
But, here is my lame excuse. I was a kid. Seriously, I was a teenager when those things happened, and I learned from them. Being a full blown, middle aged grown up and still acting like a kid? Well, there just isn’t any excuse.
But, it isn’t my job to lecture, punish, point out, etc. It is my job to set my boundaries, trust my instincts and take care of myself in the way that honors myself. The truth is, I don’t want to spend my time trying to figure out when I am or am not being lied to, or whether it is conscious or unconscious lying. If I have healthy boundaries, it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. I will trust myself and know that I have the smarts, the instinct and the power to correct course when I have been deceived. Which means, I don’t have to worry about the liars anymore.
Some people will ask, “Why don’t you remove these liars from your life?” Some I have. But, we all have our fundamental darkness, it just comes in different versions. I’m not a liar, but I do have a bad temper when I’m lied to. Liars and bad tempers don’t mix. It is my fortune that I have the opportunity to overcome my bad temper.
That’s how I am choosing to frame it.
Check out this video: FBI explains how to spot a liar
Thanks for reading.
© Heather McBride-Anders, 2016